CARL KASELL, host:
From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Roxanne Roberts and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host, at the Chase Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, host:
Thank you, Carl.
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: Thank you. In just a minute, Carl hits you with his rhyme stick in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, Carl is going to read off a list of names for you.
KASELL: Anthony "Tony Bagels" Cavezza. Joseph "Junior Lollipops" Carna. Vicenzo "Vinny Carwash" Frogiero. Anthony "Baby Fat Larry" Durso.
SAGAL: All right, Tom, what do those guys have in common, besides terrific nicknames?
Mr. TOM BODETT (Author; Humorist): Silvio Berlusconi's cabinet?
(Soundbite of laughter)
(Soundbite of applause)
Mr. BODETT: No, actually, those are some of the mobsters that were arrested this week.
SAGAL: Exactly right.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: They were all arrested by the FBI this week.
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: Very good. Thanks to the largest mob bust in recent history, more than 120 alleged mobsters are off the streets. It just got a lot easier to get a table at certain Italian restaurants.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: All five crime families were hit: the Genoveses, the Gambinos, the Colombos, plus for good measure, the Sopranos, the Boyardees, the Ronzonis, and the Trumps, because, you know, why not?
Mr. BODETT: Probably, yeah. There has to be a person, right, who makes those up. Like it's got to be one guy.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BODETT: Right, in a room somewhere.
Ms. ROXANNE ROBERTS (Columnist, Washington Post): Like the poet laureate of the mafia?
Mr. BODETT: Yes, exactly.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BODETT: Like he's in, like, a room somewhere in Brooklyn just, I mean working from dusk to dawn making up those nicknames because those are amazing.
SAGAL: One thing I've learned is that you don't get to pick your own. You've never like call me Tony Bagels.
Mr. BODETT: Because everybody would pick Cobra Laserface.
SAGAL: Exactly.
(Soundbite of laughter)
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: I don't think they would, actually.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Ms. ROBERTS: Well, now how would...
SAGAL: I don't think it's last very long. No, I want you to call me Cobra Laserface.
Ms. ROBERTS: All right.
Mr. BODETT: Would you mess with a guy named Cobra? Like, hey, I owe Cobra Laserface a hundred dollars because of the Jets game.
Ms. ROBERTS: Wait, is that...
Mr. BODETT: You better pay him.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Roxanne?
Ms. ROBERTS: Yes, sir.
SAGAL: The New York Times reported that homemade organic meals are becoming more popular for what segment of our population?
Ms. ROBERTS: Pets.
SAGAL: Yes, exactly.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: The Times profiled a woman who makes for her dog a dish made of chicken, red cabbage, cucumbers, carrots, berries, garlic and parsley, all from her own organic farm. Weirdly, this article appeared in the paper's dining and wine section rather than its crazy rich people section.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Of course, because dogs, as we know, care deeply, deeply about what they're eating. When they bark right before eating their own vomit, they're inquiring if it's organic and locally sourced.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BODETT: What is the point of it? I mean, don't you eat organic food for better health longer life?
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, why shouldn't your dog have better health and a longer life?
Mr. BODETT: Well, I know, but, you know, if you only live 12 years, wouldn't you eat Twinkies all the time?
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: The article also mentioned a delicious healthy dog food recipe involving parsley, yogurt, egg and chicken. To which chickens say, hey it's great you care so much about animals, we're so touched.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Tom, the mayor of Ogden, Utah has a plan to fight crime. He's going to unleash the awesome power of what in the skies?
Mr. BODETT: Oh, seagulls.
SAGAL: No.
Mr. BODETT: Oh, camera toting seagulls.
SAGAL: No.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BODETT: Something more predatory, hawks perhaps?
SAGAL: No.
Mr. BODETT: Can I have a hint?
SAGAL: It'll be a Goodyear for law enforcement. Really, he's just floating this idea.
Mr. BODETT: Oh, blimps.
SAGAL: Yes, crime-fighting blimps.
(Soundbite of bell)
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: High above Ogden.
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: Mayor Matthew Godfrey of Ogden noticed high crime cities had one thing in common, no blimps in the skies.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: There must be a connection. Ogden officials hope that flying an unmanned dirigible around town will aid in surveillance and crime prevention. Criminals will be like, "hey, let's steal a TV. Wait, what's that? It's a blimp. Oh, it must be the year 1917, TVs haven't been invented yet. Let's do something else."
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Very subtle but effective psychology. The high speed chases, though, with a blimp will be very disappointing, won't they? Every time the local anchors get excited they're like, "and the blimp is in pursuit. Oh, the humanity."
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: "Looks like the crime blimp has got them this time. Oh, the humanity."
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Luke, in these tough economic times, small business owners have to squeeze every bit of profit they can. This week, the Indianapolis Star reported that owners of what type of venue are now opening up for weddings, birthdays and proms?
Mr. LUKE BURBANK (Host, "Too Beautiful to Live"): It's in Indiana? It's in the state of Indiana?
SAGAL: It is in the state of Indiana, although these are everywhere. You'll find them anywhere you go, especially anywhere you end up finally.
Mr. BURBANK: Oh, a funeral.
SAGAL: Funeral homes.
Mr. BURBANK: Funeral homes.
SAGAL: Yes, indeed.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: Funeral homes.
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: No, this is great news. Funeral homes are finally thinking outside the pine box.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: It makes sense. If you've been to a funeral home, you know it's a big space. It's designed to accommodate a lot of people, often in beautiful settings, right? So goodbye funeral home, hello event center. Those aren't caskets, those are novelty coolers for your beer.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: And, if you're holding a wedding, bridesmaids: our embalmer can do makeovers for you as long as you promise to keep very, very still.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: If you were to move, he'd get spooked. You don't want that.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: Would you guys do this if you got a good deal? Luke, you've going to get married soon, you know.
Mr. BURBANK: Well, I mean...
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: How much would I have to save you? Fifty percent on a banquet hall if you just go to the funeral home.
Mr. BURBANK: What's it going to take to get you into this casket?
SAGAL: Exactly.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BURBANK: And then married to somebody also in that casket? I was just thinking that, I mean if you ever need to understand the disconnect between the different regions of this country, people in New York are baking organic dog food for their animals and people in Indiana are having their wedding with dead people.
SAGAL: Right.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BURBANK: To save $500.
SAGAL: Yes, well, you know.
Mr. BURBANK: See, that's the point at which you just say, "let's party in tonight."
SAGAL: Yeah.
Mr. BURBANK: Let's have it at home.
SAGAL: There are dangers. For example, you don't want to drink and pass out. That would be potentially...
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: You never know where you'll wake up.
Ms. ROBERTS: But on the upside, you don't have to worry about making too much noise.
SAGAL: That's true.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: It's like, the neighbors don't care.
Mr. BODETT: It's like, when you care enough to throw a big party that's also kind of crappy, do it at a funeral home. I just don't - I mean it seems like you've ruined the chance of it being a good get-together.
SAGAL: You are so ignoring the economic incentive, because a lot of these places are offering like lifetime package deals. You get a wedding, an anniversary party and a retirement party. They will throw in your wake.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. BODETT: You can't afford not to.
SAGAL: Really. With prices like these, why party with the living?
(Soundbite of laughter) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.