KORVA COLEMAN, Host:
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. Filling in for Carl Kasell, I'm Korva Coleman. And, here's your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, Host:
Thank you, Korva. Thank you everybody.
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SAGAL: Thank you everybody. You're too kind. It's good to be back. Good to be back in this saddle. We need to start this week's show with a little clarification. Last week, what with the birds falling out of the sky and Snooki writing a book, we made a joke that the apocalypse was upon us, and that this might be the last WAIT WAIT. Now, a lot of people wrote in, worried that we were actually going off the air. Okay, five of you wrote in, but we're sure many more of you were too upset to type.
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SAGAL: Rest assured, when the rapture does come, we at WAIT WAIT will most definitely be left behind.
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SAGAL: You guys are all among the saved we're sure, so you'd better call in now. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
ABEL SALAZAR: Hi, this is Abel Salazar from Los Angeles, California.
SAGAL: Hey, how are things in LA?
SALAZAR: Pretty good, pretty good.
SAGAL: You had to think about it?
SALAZAR: Well, I'm underneath a desk right now, so everything's a little weird right now.
SAGAL: I'm sorry; did you say you're underneath your desk?
SALAZAR: Yeah. I'm at work, so...
MAZ JOBRANI: Is there an earthquake happening?
SAGAL: Yeah.
MO ROCCA: Birds are falling.
SALAZAR: Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: Snooki's falling.
SAGAL: Something. So why are you underneath your desk?
SALAZAR: Because I work at a studio where it's kind of an open environment to promote funship and all that jazz.
SAGAL: yeah.
SALAZAR: So, yeah.
SAGAL: Are you afraid that you'll be interrupted or caught?
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SALAZAR: I don't know.
JOBRANI: He's afraid that they're going to find out that he is actually listening to WAIT WAIT.
SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.
SALAZAR: That's really it, yeah.
SAGAL: Abel, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a comedian and the founder of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Mr. Maz Jobrani right there.
JOBRANI: Hey, Abel.
SALAZAR: Hey, Maz.
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SAGAL: Next, it's the woman behind the advice column Ask Amy and the author of the memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville," Ms. Amy Dickinson is right here.
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SALAZAR: Hi, Amy.
AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Abel.
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SAGAL: And lastly, it's a television personality and a contributor to CBS "Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca is here.
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SALAZAR: Hey, Mo.
ROCCA: Hi, Abel. They can still hear you.
SALAZAR: Yeah, I know. I think I'm just looking weird now.
SAGAL: All right.
SALAZAR: I think I've gone too far.
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SAGAL: Abel, you're going to play Who's Korva this Time. Korva Coleman, filling in for Carl, is going to read you three quotes from the week's news. Your job: correctly identify or explain two of them. Do that, you'll our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Ready to go?
SALAZAR: Yeah.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.
COLEMAN: When we take up our arms, we're talking about voting.
SAGAL: That was somebody explaining that she had nothing, nothing to do with inciting political violence. Who?
SALAZAR: Sarah Palin.
SAGAL: Sarah Palin, indeed, yes, very good.
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SAGAL: It was a week of tragedy, as the nation turned its eyes to Sarah Palin and said, are you okay?
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ROCCA: She gets involved in every story, and it's not entirely her fault. America is obsessed with her.
SAGAL: Well, that's what I mean, it's crazy.
ROCCA: She's like our collective ex-girlfriend. And we just can't...
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DICKINSON: That's true. And we can't stop thinking about her.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
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SAGAL: In this case, the controversy was caused by the map that Ms. Palin put out, some time ago, featuring sniper's crosshairs over Democratic congressional districts, including the one held by Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Palin's aides said it - and this is true, they said this - they said it wasn't a crosshairs; it was just a surveyor's mark.
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DICKINSON: Oh.
SAGAL: You know, the harmless kind of thing you see when you look through a surveyor's scope at your prey.
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SAGAL: As you prepare to brutally survey it.
ROCCA: Is Sarah Palin the cartographer? What is this?
SAGAL: I don't know.
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SAGAL: This is...
ROCCA: I'm not happy with the way Arizona has been mapped.
SAGAL: Therefore, we shall survey it. Finally, Ms. Palin released a long video statement in which she referred to the quote "blood libel" against her. Now, she may not have known this, to be fair, but this is a loaded phrase, blood libel. It refers to, among other things, the idea that the Jews murdered Jesus. Of course, the Jews did not murder Jesus, but they did put up a map of Judea on the internet with the crosshairs over Bethlehem.
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DICKINSON: I actually had never heard the phrase "blood libel," because that's not, like, a phrase you hear that often, like...
ROCCA: I thought, yeah.
DICKINSON: ...used in advertisements or no, it's...
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ROCCA: I thought it was a boring Cormac McCarthy novel.
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SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your next quote, Abel.
COLEMAN: No special features, just a simple, bleeping phone. Big freaking whoop.
SAGAL: That was an AT&T customer service rep, probably now a former AT&T customer service rep, tweeting about the announcement this week that what would be available finally on Verizon.
SALAZAR: The iPhone 4.
SAGAL: Yes.
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SAGAL: It's so exciting, the iPhone. It's the most exciting thing to happen to the whiny, affluent class since Whole Foods started offering gluten-free baguettes.
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SAGAL: For years, iPhone users have complained about the poor service they got from AT&T, the only carrier available. Listening to them complain, it was like AT&T started World War II, invented transfats, and canceled "Freaks and Geeks."
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SAGAL: The people of Haiti, commemorating the anniversary of their devastating earthquake, sent a celebratory message saying, "We're thrilled that you no longer will face the horror of dropped calls."
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DICKINSON: Oh.
SAGAL: But Verizon is all excited about this, because they don't know what's coming. Oh, you thought you had a whiny, perennially dissatisfied customer base before, did you Verizon?
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SAGAL: Their slogan will change from "Can you hear me now?" to "There, are you happy now?"
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JOBRANI: You know what the problem with all the phones, is because you'll constantly be reminded you've got a message, you've got a message.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: A lot of times, not important messages.
SAGAL: Certainly not.
JOBRANI: It's like having a mailman follow you around all day.
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JOBRANI: And just constantly be like, "Oh, I forgot to give you this. Go ahead, read it."
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SAGAL: The problem with your analogy is that all of us guys who do this, if we could, we'd follow the mailman around ourselves going, "Got anything for me?"
JOBRANI: Yeah.
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SAGAL: "Got anything for me now? Did anything just come in?" No, Mr. Sagal, nothing came in. "No, how about now." Stop following me. That got me in trouble before I got the iPhone. So I'm happy for it.
JOBRANI: Yeah, yeah.
SAGAL: All right, your last quotes, Abel, are three names given to a big event this week.
COLEMAN: Snowpocalypes. Snowmaggedon. Snowtorious B-I-G.
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SAGAL: Those were just some of the words used by twitterers and newscasters to describe the big snow where?
SALAZAR: New York City.
SAGAL: Well, actually, yes. But the answer we're looking for was everywhere.
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SAGAL: Everywhere. For a brief period this week, every single state of the union, including Hawaii, had snow on the ground.
ROCCA: Is that true?
SAGAL: This is true. Every single state, except for Florida, it was the lone exception. But just to be safe, the elderly Jews who live there moved further south to Cuba.
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SAGAL: Because they've had enough.
ROCCA: That is such a cool statistic. I'm so glad that Puerto Rico doesn't have statehood because it would have ruined it.
SAGAL: It would have ruined it.
DICKINSON: It would have really screwed that up.
SAGAL: But even Hawaii had some snow on the peaks of the volcanoes. Texas saw all the snow and they tried to build a wall to keep it out.
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SAGAL: Cities that aren't used to snow, like Atlanta, completely freaked out. They looked out, saw everything covered with snow and called their cable providers to complain that that the windows were only broadcasting in black and white.
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SAGAL: By the way, the real reason Florida didn't get any snow is the U.S. Supreme Court intervened to stop it.
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SAGAL: Korva, how did Abel do on our quiz?
COLEMAN: Well, being under the desk worked. Abel, you had a perfect score, three out of three, and you'll win the prize.
SALAZAR: Awesome.
SAGAL: Well done.
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SAGAL: Congratulations, Abel.
SALAZAR: Thank you very much.
SAGAL: Thanks for playing. You can come out from under the desk now.
SALAZAR: All right, thanks.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
SALAZAR: Bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.