How does a community heal from the shock and grief of a mass shooting? And how can people who have lost loved ones find a way to move forward?
That’s the subject of a new podcast called Senseless. In it, journalist Erika Mahoney explores the aftermath of the mass shooting at a Boulder King Soopers grocery store in 2021. And it’s a deeply personal show, because Erika's father, Kevin Mahoney, was one of the 10 people killed in that shooting.
Over the course of the eight-part series, Erika speaks with others who lost loved ones that day, as well as police, prosecutors, and members of the community.
Erika has been a guest on In The NoCo before to talk about the trial – which ended in guilty verdicts and ten consecutive life sentences for the gunman.
She spoke with Erin O’Toole earlier this year about why she felt driven to make this podcast, and about the impacts of gun violence that linger after the news coverage has faded away. We’re listening back to that conversation today.
The conversation
Erika Mahoney: I think that grief demands to be addressed. And if you're an artist, maybe you would wanna paint a picture. Or if you are a musician, maybe you wanted to make a song. And so for me, being a journalist and being someone who, you know, did storytelling, this just made so much sense. And I felt this, like, calling, this, like, higher calling to speak out.
I remember being at the third anniversary, there was a remembrance ceremony and watching everyone get up on the stage and share their story about how this tragedy affected them. And I thought, oh my gosh. I'm just surrounded by these incredible stories of resilience. And I really wanted to be the one to tell them and share them.
So it's very much my story alongside others.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: Talk about the title of the podcast. Where did Senseless come from?
Erika Mahoney: Not too long ago, we talked a lot about the phrase thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers, and that it wasn't getting us anywhere. And senseless is another one of those words, senseless gun violence, senseless tragedy. And I wanted to just amplify that. This really truly is senseless gun violence, but there's a lot of things that make sense that we can do to prevent this American tragedy. For me, senseless has an even deeper meaning in that when there's unexpected loss, you live in a stage of denial for so long.
And I really struggled on a daily basis waking up and being like, wait. This happened? My dad is really gone. And it was just impossible to wrap my brain around it.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: The first episode lays out what happened the day of the shooting, and you really bring listeners into your head and your emotional state as you learned what was unfolding. Yeah. You were at work at a public radio station in California. You got a call from your mom during the workday. Here's a clip.
Erika speaking in podcast clip: Hi, mom, I said. I I can't talk. I'm on the air. Hi, Aerie. Don't freak out, she said. There's an active shooter at King Soopers. My heart dropped into my stomach. My first thought was she's inside the grocery store. I pictured her crouching for cover in an aisle and I tried to find the strength to say something, anything that was remotely comforting. I love you so much, mom. Oh, honey, I'm not in the store, she said softly. And then what my mom said next shattered my world. Eri, she said, dad went grocery shopping.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: Erika, you are a journalist. And as journalists, we have this directive to not be a part of the story that we're reporting on. How did you get comfortable enough with this to tell your own story with this podcast?
Erika Mahoney: Yeah. I remember finding myself in the early aftermath on the other side of the story. Suddenly, my inbox was filling up with interview requests.
And I'm not gonna lie. It was really, really hard, and I was torn on whether I should speak out or not or whether I even could. But in the end, I felt like I needed to say something. My dad was a human being. He should not have had to run for his life in a grocery store parking lot.
And speaking out, I did say yes to interviews. It became clear that it would be disingenuous to pretend that I don't have any feelings about guns or pretend that this didn't happen to me. And it took a minute to step into, like, this new role. But when I did, I started to feel really whole, and it was a good feeling.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: Throughout the series, Erica, you talk with a lot of folks in the community who were affected deeply by this. First responders, medical workers, grocery store employees. And I want to play a clip from Logan Smith who was working at the Starbucks inside King Soopers on the day of the shooting.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: And I'll just warn listeners that this describes some of what he saw. Logan had gone out, saw the shooter, and then ran back into the store to use a landline to call 911.
911 call from podcast clip: Hi. I'm at the Table Mesa King Soopers at Broadway in Table Mesa. I think a a stray bullet flew past me because I hear the whoosh.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: Erica, what did these conversations that you had reveal about the ripple effects of the shooting across Boulder and really across all of Colorado?
Erika Mahoney: Yeah. You know, sometimes as a journalist, it's a struggle to find enough people to interview for your story. And in this case, what's so sad is there are so many people to talk to. So if you think about, like, Logan, Logan was inside the store. He was an employee.
Think about all the employees that were there working that day. Then think about all of the shoppers who were there shopping that day. Then think about the hundreds upon hundreds of first responders who flooded to the store. And then even beyond, the helpers, the therapists who showed up. I mean, statistically, fatalities from mass shootings are a much lower percentage of gun violence in America, compared to homicides and suicides.
But the thing about mass shootings is they cause an outsized community impact. And I think it's really time that we start paying attention to that massive toll that they create.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: The podcast explores some of these lingering impacts that gun violence has on a community. What are some of those impacts that maybe don't get as much attention after the news coverage has faded away?
Erika Mahoney: Yeah. And my podcast is certainly a deep dive into that because I really am raw and vulnerable in it. But I would say some of the things we don't see are, for me, the panic attacks. And that was so hard. I just had these panic attacks out of nowhere for months.
Something as simple as, like, me being unable to go grocery shopping. I was six months pregnant when my dad was killed, and I had looked forward to pushing my little baby around in the shopping cart at the store, and suddenly I couldn't do that. Wow. So little things like that. But as well as things like searching for connection and trying to find new ways to honor my dad and all those little things.
Things like holidays that are so hard — Father's Day.
Erin O'Toole, KUNC: Yeah.
Erika Mahoney: It's a life changing event.
Transcripts are produced from audio of the final, edited conversations on In The NoCo, which have been edited for clarity and length. Accuracy of transcripts may vary.
