AILSA CHANG, HOST:
Each week, a guest draws a card from NPR's Wild Card deck and answers a big question about their life. Sara Bareilles is out with a new album and documentary, both titled "Good Grief." The project is partly about processing the deaths of two of her close friends. Bareilles talked with Wild Card host Rachel Martin about her relationship to crying.
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RACHEL MARTIN: When's a time you realized you were on the right path?
SARA BAREILLES: Like, I wrote this book of essays called "Sounds Like Me." And it was so hard. And I sort of hated writing this book. But I started doing this practice where I was writing letters to myself at different ages.
MARTIN: Yeah.
BAREILLES: And it was so profound. It was so profound to really sit with the sense of myself at age 12 and at age 22 and the things that change and the things that stay the same in that kind of, like, wrestling with am I enough? That - it just, like, takes different forms over our life I think. But, I was sitting in the lobby of the Marlton Hotel when - I had my laptop there, and I was, like, just crying. Like, so self important. (Laughter) I just cry all my wisdom.
MARTIN: (Laughter).
BAREILLES: But that's what - you know, that is actually something that happens to me. Like, I will, like, spontaneously start weeping if I kind of hit something that feels...
MARTIN: Yeah.
BAREILLES: ...Especially true or especially resonant.
MARTIN: I am a bit of a crier.
BAREILLES: Yeah.
MARTIN: (Laughter).
BAREILLES: I love that.
MARTIN: I'm a big feelings forward person.
BAREILLES: Yeah.
MARTIN: But I feel very insecure about it to this day.
BAREILLES: Oh.
MARTIN: I do. Do you ever - do you apologize when you start to cry?
BAREILLES: Not anymore. My mom used to - my mom is a big crier too, and she loves to take credit for my crying.
MARTIN: (Laughter).
BAREILLES: Mom, my crying is mine. No, but she used to say this thing. Listen to my words, not to my tears because there is, like, almost, like, a spontaneous overwhelm. And I have had - I spent so much time, especially in early meetings - for example, like, I remember meetings around, you know, boardroom tables and the label for the first time, and literally just the sense of being in an overwhelming situation would make my eyes - I would just - my lips quivering, and I'm, like, feeling overwhelmed. I need to cry. And I would fight it so hard.
MARTIN: Yeah.
BAREILLES: I don't really - I don't apologize anymore. I really think crying - my God - it means you are feeling into your own humanity.
MARTIN: Yeah. I mean, I agree. It's just reflexive. I'm trying...
BAREILLES: Yeah.
MARTIN: I'm trying not to.
BAREILLES: Yeah.
MARTIN: But it is a reflexive habit that now when I notice it, I'm like, oh, I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry if my emoting is making you uncomfortable.
BAREILLES: Oh, my God. May we all just learn to be a little more comfortable with emotions.
MARTIN: Yeah.
BAREILLES: Can you imagine what the world would look like...
MARTIN: Yeah, no, I - totally.
BAREILLES: ...If people were allowed?
MARTIN: Completely.
BAREILLES: When I think about talking to my best friends or my sisters, like, if they start to cry, it's not even - it's subconscious. Like, I'm immediately crying, too, because I'm like, oh, I'm with you in your...
MARTIN: Oh, yeah.
BAREILLES: Yeah. So go ahead and cry.
MARTIN: OK, thanks.
BAREILLES: I will cry with you at any point.
CHANG: You can watch the full conversation with Sara Bareilles on YouTube by searching for NPR Wild Card. Her new album, "Good Grief," is out now. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.
